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It's Totally Ok To Be Yourself

Posted on 19 October 2017

Braving The Wilderness
Chapter 2 - Blog 1 

{ Brene defines belonging on page 31 } 

Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which is not only hollow substitutes for belonging but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.


In my work as a therapist, a common thing I notice is people betraying themselves in hopes of maintaining connection with someone. It may be a girlfriend who stays in a relationship hoping her boyfriend will somehow suddenly change and become intentional, attentive and kind. It may be an adult child who doesn’t reveal their true worldviews in order to avoid disconnection from their parents. Often it is a friend who will not say what restaurant they want to eat at because they imagine disapproval if their friends don’t like that place.

You may be surprised but lots of people are terrified to be who they are all the time. They are afraid of rejection.

The cold hard truth is, if you aren’t authentic to yourself, you are disconnecting from the most important person in your life. What do you notice in your body when you throw yourself under the bus? Do you notice something in your stomach? Do you feel sad inside? Notice that, backtrack. Ask for a do-over and share who you really are, and ask for what you really want. It’s ok if others disagree. It’s ok if you don’t get what you want. The consequences for NOT BEING YOU are devastating and it means the world has an imposter instead of the real you.

Be yourself! We need you to tell share your humor, your art, your love, your opinion, your thoughts, and everything else that makes you truly you! Being yourself means always having a place to belong.

Who do you hide yourself from the most?
What if being yourself actually created more connection with the people you want to be with?

What if being yourself makes you safe for others?

BE Brave!! We need you out here!!!
Donna Durham, MMFT


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1 comment

  • Mo: October 28, 2017

    Word. Word. And word. Thanks for sharing this! It hit my inner ground zero.

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