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March 13, 2018

The Stories We Write in Our Heads Part 3

Want to read Part One of Stories We Write in Our Heads? Click Here 

Want to read Part Two of Stories We Write in Our Heads? Click Here


One day, I was sitting across from my trusted counselor complaining about my husband. “He made a list of ten chores to get done on Saturday, and he ONLY DID SEVEN OF THEM!” I cried. I stared at my counselor, waiting for her to agree with my indignation. Instead, she cocked her head and looked at me. “What?” I said.

A smile emerged on her face.


Counselor:Begins to giggle

Me:What?!!! In school, getting a 7 out of 10 is a D!

Counselor:Full blown laughter

Me:Squinches face

Counselor:Continues to laugh

Me:  Wait…Is this about me?

Counselor:Raises eyebrows


And so began my understanding that all-or-nothing thinking is a kind ofanxiety.

In school, seven out of ten may be a “D,” but life is not school. We aren’t graded on everything we do. The fact that my husband completed seven of the ten things on his to-do list was actually a reason to celebrate, not a reason to complain.

All-or-nothing thinking tells us that a situation has to be EVERYTHING or NOTHING at all.

But in reality, recognizing small steps and incremental amounts of progress has value.

Can you see how letting go of these stories will remove anxiety?

Where does “all-or-nothing” thinking show up for you?

  • Grades: Do they have to be all A's or it’s “not good enough?”
  • Weight: Does it have to be a certain number on the scale?
  • Expectations of others: What do you expect from people you love? ( I have a hint for you... if you have high expectations here, you may be hard to live with!)
  • Finances: Do you have to make a certain salary or it’s no good?
  • Housekeeping: Does your house have to be spotless to be acceptable?

Here’s what I’m getting at:

If you identify with these examples, I invite you to view life through a new lens.

Not a lens of all or nothing, but a lens ofgratitude.

A lens of thankfulness for what we DO have; of what IS completed.

A lens of embracing thesimple pleasure that comes from engaging in a process.

Inevitably we respond to this idea with thoughts like,“but what about getting into medical school? You have to have all As for that.” Or,“that just sounds lazy.”

I can tell you from personal and professional experience, these responses are just another brand of all-or-nothing thinking.

There are some parts of life that require high achievement, but a healthy perspective in life recognizes which parts of life need to be all in, and which parts can begood enough.

I hope this helps you identify all-or-nothing thinking and reduce some of the anxiety in your life.

Be Comforted,

Donna Durham, MMFT

President and Founder

Weighting Comforts


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What Blanket Weight Should I Buy?

A general rule when purchasing a weighted blanket is taking your weight and multiplying it by .10, or taking 10% of your body weight. Using that number, follow the chart below to guide you in finding the perfect blanket!

( lbs )

100 - 130 lbs 140 - 170 lbs 180 - 200 lbs 220 + lbs
Blanket Choice  
Quilted Cotton
 10 lb  15 lb  20 lb  N / A
Flannel  10 lb  15 lb  20 lb  N / A
CoolMax®  15 lb  15 lb  20 lb   25 lb


Fall in between two different weight limits for two blankets? We suggest going with the smaller of the two blanket weights.

Still not sure which size to buy? Most of our customers buy one of the 15-pound blankets.